Brabantse Pijl — Finding Myself Again

Fourth place today at Brabantse Pijl.

On paper, just off the podium. But for me, it felt like so much more.

I rode a strong race — present, attentive, always there or thereabouts when it mattered. For the first time in a very, very long time, I felt like myself again. Not just glimpses, not just moments — but that deep, steady feeling of being back at the level I’ve always known was still inside me.

Honestly, I don’t think I’ve felt that since the Ardennes block in 2024, just before everything changed.

The past few years haven’t been straightforward. A traumatic life event in 2021 disrupted my hormonal balance and menstrual cycle — something that had always been stable throughout my career. From there, it became a long and often confusing process of trying to understand what my body needed, and why it wasn’t responding the way it used to.

Then came 2024, and breaking my back.

Coming back from that injury was, in many ways, the “simple” part. What proved much harder was returning to the level of performance I knew I was capable of. When your body isn’t functioning optimally — hormonally, metabolically — it doesn’t matter how hard you work. And I was working hard.

Over time, it became clear there were deeper issues at play. Insulin resistance and blood sugar imbalances, which I only really started to understand towards the end of last year. Then, just as things began to improve, another setback this season — overtraining, elevated cortisol, a body that simply wouldn’t respond. I felt flat, disconnected, frustrated.

All I wanted for this final year of my career was to enjoy it — to feel like myself again.

And today, I did.

This result didn’t come from doing more. In fact, it came from doing less — from listening more closely, trusting my instincts, and leaning on years of experience rather than the constant pressure to push harder. It meant making difficult decisions, adjusting training, and quieting that voice that always says, “you need to do more.”

It also wouldn’t have been possible without the people around me.

My husband, Carl, who has stood beside me through everything — never doubting, never wavering, always helping me find solutions when things felt overwhelming. My family. And of course all of you ... my Rocacorba Collective community, who have supported me unconditionally, reminding me that who I am is not defined by a result.

That perspective matters more than ever in a sport where, as you get older, the narrative so quickly becomes: you’re past it. Too old. Too injured. Not the same anymore.

I’ve heard it. I’ve felt it.

But I never truly believed it.

Today was proof of that.

Seeing two Rocacorba Collective members, An and Kristien, out on the course with a handmade flag, hearing the support lap after lap, and then seeing my husband at the finish — it gave me that extra strength to keep fighting all the way to the line.

Yes, it was fourth. Yes, just off the podium.

But it felt like a victory.

Because this wasn’t just about the result — it was about the journey back. Back to feeling strong. Back to feeling capable. Back to feeling like me.

And I couldn’t have timed it better.

The Ardennes Classics have always been special to me. They were where I first realised, back in 2011, that I could make a career in this sport — that I could compete with the best in the world. And now, returning here for my final Ardennes block, I get to line up with that same belief again.

Brabantse Pijl wasn’t just a race. It was confirmation.

That I still have it.
That the process is working.
And that I can go into the coming races not just hoping — but believing.

Now it’s time to soak it all in, embrace every moment, and enjoy what’s ahead.

Because after everything, that’s what this year is really about.

Next up on my race schedule is Amstel Gold Race this Sunday, so stay tuned for more updates from me this week.